I can remember

I can remember when there seemed to be an order to things

If I did this, then this would happen
I I did not do this, then this would not happen

Order has Mutated
Order was a Joke
Order is no More

Life is happening in crinkly bits
that make no sense
My soul has flown the coop
and left me bereft for my self

Realizing there are no mistakes,
only a jury rigged semblance of life ahead
The royal We plods on

Look!
My coffee is getting cold
time to hoist high my wind ripped sails
and get on with todays mighty living

Murmuration

I take a breath of the cool air
let it out to join the ocean of  molecules
that surround this day.
My thoughts rise up like
birds up from the weeds
thousands of birds rise and
turn as one
a great black whale of the sky
which turns and swallows itself
then up and over
a giant mushroom cloud
the birds turn as one to form
a question mark before
settling back into the weeds

Lighten the Load

Taking an inventory: what to get rid of?
Black faux seal skin coat from Mother, long in her grave
Black lace scarf now in tatters that she once wore to church
Hair from dead husband, cut from his large lusty pony tail
Nails used to hang me from the cross
Quilt made from petrified tears
Notebook containing dreams from 1982
Notebook containing dreams from 1990
Photos of people now long gone and forgotten
Skull of tiny seabird found on the shore
Mildewed bible with mouse nibbled corners
Pressed flowers from first and only prom date
Rubber band ball
Love letter from first abusive boyfriend
Love letter from first non abusive boyfriend
Letter from Father where he says he loves me and I should be a good girl
Tiny holographic eyeball that stares at me from a silver frame
Wanting none of these things, they are put in a box
and moved
yet again to my new home