Friday, August 5, 2016

Recipe: Trump Roast

you may have seen this recipe listed elsewhere as: 
Recipe for Disaster
rest assured this is the same recipe dating back to the earliest days of 

Trump Roast
Take a fresh young baby: must be an all white male
Remove hair and place in the lap of luxury, smother in fragrant doting parents,
rub in all the best schools money can buy and finally add a copious amount of fresh green cash.

Next: glaze baby with no consequences for bad behavior. This step is important!
If you fail to glaze constantly, it will be too tender and sprout a conscience.
This will create a soft baby and it will be too flaccid. We are aiming for a hard crunchy

Now take your bouquet of bitter herbs and fill all the cavities. Stuff it well into the crevices.
The bitter herbs will impart the pinched disdainful look in the appearance of your roast that will enhance your final presentation.

Place your baby roast on a bed of young buxom blondes. Use only surgically enhanced females as this is the secret to the Trump Roast: The Silicone and fake smiles will add that secret sauce we all crave and keep the baby cozy and secure as we place it in the oven.

This baby roast must be baked at a very low temperature; as it cant stand any heat.
Too much heat or pressure will cause the baby to explode. This is very dangerous and anyone nearby can be hurt from the toxic outgassing and chunks of melting silicone.

Once the baby has reached an internal temperature of No Patience and you have checked for 
an Absence of Soul, take your baby out of the oven and place on a serving tray covered in:
And dusted with the essence of cold hard ambition. 

You are now ready to serve your Trump Roast. This dish is best served to angry young white men and aimless cranky old people. They will especially like all the low vocabulary white meat that is the hallmark of this great American Dish. Bon Appetit! And don't forget to serve with a wine of your choosing. We like the Blanc de Blanc  ( cant get more white than that) by Trump Wines. Because the delicious flavor of  branding is everything!

Friday, January 8, 2016


I bought this house in 1958
straight outa the army
with a VA loan

It's all vintage
from the linoleum
the single pane windows
original tar and gravel roof

You people with your
double pane windows
and fancy heating systems

Wear layers I tell ya, layers
why I can remember when...
Shhhhhh she said

As she laid her velvet gin soaked
fingers across his chapped lips
Shhhhhh she said

As she led his hollowed body
down the dark sweaty hallway
Shhhhh she said

As she held his face up to the mirror
illumined with the only working
light bulb in the house

Shhhhh she said;
The light scalded his sallow face
one tear fell from his squinty eyes
then the mirror quietly cracked in two

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Day Light Savings

cows just don’t get it
bellowing at the milking house door
and in the farm house
the dog cocks its head at its empty bowl
and then at the bedroom door
back and forth
as if that was the secret code
which would fill its bowl with kibbles
on the radio talk-show
time is exhausted trying to determine
if daylight really needed to be saved